The Final Call for Alcohol

No more guys with expunged DUIs.

No more guys who drink, then cry.

No more men who poop their pants.

No cheap men with untreated ants.

No more men who drop their glass.

After passing out, I’d lift his ass.

No more men with grandiose.

No more men who like to boast.

No more men who drink, then fall.

This next real man, he must stand TALL.

No more men who expect me home.

No more spending my time alone.

No tight men with broken ovens.

No more men with secret covens.

No more men with spackled walls.

Who will not paint them, one or all.

No more men with pickled livers.

These memories still make me shiver.

No more shaving hairy backs.

No more listening to what I lack.

No more men looking for a roommate.

Who knows no love, only how to hate.

No more guys who hide from giving.

By playing golf instead of living.

No more chauffeuring drunken men.

I promise you, never again.

No more men who judge their friends,

Behind their backs, it just never ends.

No more men who break me down, To cover for them, to straighten their crown.

No more men who just don’t see me,

Whose cold, sick heart is full of cruelty.

No more men who say they love me,

Whose actions speak of chilling jealousy.

No more men hitting on my friends.

This evil pattern has reached its end.

No more sitting outside a jail,

Waiting for a drunk to bail.

Enabling him, I stayed, I hoped,

That one day soon he’d cease to mope.

I’d pray each night he’d learn to cope,

But for a tortured soul, there’s just no hope.