Here we discuss the tragedy of mental illness, alcoholism, and personality disorders. We discuss the behavior patterns of “love bombing” a new partner, Phases of Narcissistic Emotional Abuse and Gaslighting. We describe what to look for in dual diagnosis and alcoholism. These scenarios are very real, they exist, and they follow specific, documented clinical patterns of behavior and they are often very, very difficult to see. Sometimes you won’t see it for many years if you’re not really, closely looking. The truest sadness is not for the victims of emotional abuse from a Narcissist. The survivors will likely become stronger, empowered, knowledgeable and will heal by sheer will and the need to understand and prevent any future abuse from another covert malignant Narcissist. These Narcissists do have specific features, qualities, and types they look for and seek out to use as their needs morph and change.
The greatest sadness and tragedy in all of this is the lost, miserable, empty souls who truly believe their problem is not within themselves. The lost and deeply ill individual who goes from relationship to relationship, eventually sabotaging them all throughout their lifetime while not accepting that their misery and unhappiness lies within themselves and their unresolved pain, not in those around them.
The tragedy is also for the children of the Narcissist who become lifelong collateral damage. The damaged parent-child relationships that never truly get repaired and exist only on the surface, if that at all. The adult children will frequently distance themselves from the repetition of chaos and disappointment that parent brings to their life.
By not seeking the help they desperately need it allows this illness, this disease, to grow and last a lifetime if left untreated. The lost soul, fearful of losing their professional identity upon retiring, the aging soul who every few years changes spouses, partners, may resort to moving and changing communities, estrange themselves from lifelong friends, desperately and drastically lower their own established, long standing high standards of partners and social circles, discard beloved hobbies, lower lifestyle standards and regular interests and goals. They will suddenly seek to reinvent themselves once again through another source because something just isn’t working yet again–but it’s never themselves that are broken in their own minds. The blame for their emptiness is directed at their current partner, and the established pattern continues. This is the reality of this mental disease.
The word disease itself should be seen and broken down, it is “dis-ease” with their own identity and entire existence. These are the souls who sadly, without help, will eventually have nothing and no one of real value left in their lives. Over the years they will ostracize themselves from lifelong friends, and seek to reinvent that which is no longer working in their minds. The solution is unfounded, and it is always temporary. The fix for their self-hatred and deep self-loathing hidden beneath excessive, self-centered, self-love (Narcissism) isn’t found outside themselves where they are seeking to find it. This is why they are always unsuccessful. This is when their disappointment, their discontentedness with themselves and their life hits them hard once again and they return to their familiar darkness only to begin again with a new Narcissistic source.
The Idealization of found perfection in Phase 1 begins to fade and fail them once again, then the Phase 2 devaluing and subtle emotional abuse begins again, then eventually on to Phase 3 of discarding and replacing where the completed cycle begins all over again with someone new. The unsuspecting, far removed stranger. There too, as evidenced by past patterns of behavior, they will eventually find imperfection in the currently idealized, suddenly see flaws and faults (humanness) in that which they once felt was perfection, their salvation and solution, and then begin again to devalue them as well. This process and cycle can go on for years.
The reason for failure is quite simple. There is only one true way to happiness, peace, joy, and contentment. Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and High Functioning Alcoholism are missing the one key to it all. Finding, admitting, seeing and accepting that key is up to them. There is only one way to possibly recover from this type of mental illness, this complex personality disorder and addiction. It is through professional intervention and treatment, and reconnecting to the foundation of one’s faith and what makes one’s life purposeful, meaningful, complete, and truly whole. The genuine giving of yourself without ulterior motives for personal gain.
The victims of Narcissistic Emotional Abuse can and usually do recover completely over time. The abusers however, are unlikely to see themselves as they truly are by the pure nature of their illness. They possess an inability to truly like and deeply love and respect themselves (or another) for anything that isn’t money related, superficial or material. Everything lies above the surface. All depth is forged, mirrored and temporary. They are able to mask it for long periods, but eventually the mask will fall. It always will, and it always does. And the vicious, restless, fruitless cycle of chasing wholeness begins all over, once again without end.
The Last Chardonnay 